Trapped! In a beer factory
by mirage888
Summary: Would they change things if they could? Maybe. Maybe not. But it all started with a stolen bicycle horn...Seddie. Oneshot. Slight crackfic. Nothing graphic.


_(A/N: WOW you guys! I've been gone SO long and I'm SO sorry! I swear I've been around, reading other fantastic stories, but I've been entirely too busy for a person my age. I also need the inspiration...Here is another oneshot, [yes, my specialty] this time about Seddie; as much as iCarly is about, well, Carly, she can be kinda boring. Bring on the Seddie! Can't get enough!)_

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, or Aspirin, or the movie names in the event they become actual movies.

Teaser: Would they change things if they could? Maybe. Maybe not. But it all started with a stolen bicycle horn...

* * *

"Ugh, I hate this stupid bike!" Sam Puckett viciously shook the handbars of a lime green bicycle, then slammed it into a rack and chained it.

"What's wrong with it?" asked her best friend Carly Shay, clearly amused at Sam's actions.

"It never turns the right way. And no one gets out of my way when I can't turn it, either! I mean, sometimes it _is_ nice to run people down, but I don't ALWAYS want to!" said Sam, frustrated.

"Why don't you get a horn or something?" Carly suggested. Sam looked flabbergasted. She'd obviously never thought of it before.

"Huh. I've never thought of that before. Thanks, Carls." Sam strode off to school, looking less aggravated.

"I love her, but I'll never understand her" said Carly with a shrug.

The school day passed normally, and everyone was glad to get out because it was Friday. Sam and Carly made plans to go to the mall after a quick stop at Carly's apartment.

"Can I come too?" asked a hopeful Freddie Benson. He lived right across the hall from Carly, so it wouldn't be a problem for him to stop with them first.

"In your dreams, loser" said Sam spitefully. The nub had always rubbed her the wrong way. Who did he think he was, inviting himself along?

"Be nice, Sam" Carly scolded. "Freddie can come if he wants."

Sam scowled. "FINE, but don't expect me to share my ham with him!" At this, she pulled a large bag of ham out of her backpack. Freddie blinked. There was no way he'd be touching that meat anyway.

Half an hour later, the three were on their way to the mall.

"I kinda want a fedora" Carly mused.

"A fedora?" asked Sam. "Whatever cooks your noodles, I guess."

"Do you mind if I stop in this store to look for one?" said Carly. She pointed to a store called _Fresh and Fanciful_.

Sam shuddered. "No, I don't, but I'm not setting foot in the place. I think I'll check out that bike shop over there for a horn."

"Ok, see you in ten minutes" said Carly cheerfully. "C'mon, Freddie, I bet you want to see me try some hats on."

"Yes...but if you want to try on anything else, like, I don't know, a bathing suit, I'm ok with seeing you try that on too." Freddie was practically drooling over her. Sam rolled her eyes and made gagging motions behind his back.

Carly giggled. "It's not a clothing store, and get your mind out of the gutter!" She playfully whacked Freddie's head. "Now let's get moving or we'll never make it to the mall!"

* * *

"I thought you said you were getting a bicycle horn?"

"Uh...they didn't have any I wanted. Too...quiet and stuff." Sam shrugged off the question and started speed-walking through the mall.

"Well...ok. Should we shop more, or see a movie?" asked Carly, hurrying to catch up to her.

"I think we should see a movie" said Freddie, bringing up the rear. "_When Motherboards Malfunction _is playing!"

"We don't want to see your stupid dorkfest" spat Sam. Turning to Carly, she said, "But a movie does sound good. Let's see... _Ninja Nights 3_!"

"I'm sorry Freddie, but that did get better reviews. Maybe next time you can pick?" Carly compromised.

"Ah, fine, whatever. Let's just get our tickets" said Freddie grumpily. The three payed for their tickets and went in. About halfway through the movie, though, Freddie thought he saw something weird.

_Is that a bicycle horn? _he wondered to himself. He craned his neck to get a better view of Sam's bag. There was something silver in there. _Huh...I think that IS a horn. She didn't...steal it, did she? Aw man!_

"Hey, Sam." Freddie poked her to get her attention.

"WHAT?" she hissed, while staring at the screen. Carly shushed them both, as several people around them gave them death glares.

"What's that in your bag?" Freddie asked.

"None of your beeswax!" she said, getting defensive. "I'm going to get popcorn!

As soon as she left the theater, Freddie snuck out behind her. Carly didn't notice, because she was too busy hiding her face in her sweatshirt.

_If I could juuuuuuust sneak behind her and get a peek... _thought Freddie, _then...__oh crap!_

Sam whipped around. "WHAT are you doing, Benson? That is my private and personal stuff in there! You have no right to go snoopin', and I have every right to pummel you into next year!" She brandished her fist at him for emphasis.

"I just wondered...I thought maybe...you..." Freddie said meekly.

"I what?"

"That's not a bike horn, is it? You told me and Carly you didn't get one. Did you _steal _it, Sam?" Freddie looked her square in the eyes, and she faltered a little.

"I...I...I don't have much money, ok? I was saving for other stuff, like this. And the popcorn guy here knows to give me free popcorn anyway. He dated my mom. But I swear, if you tell anyone what I did!"

"Sam, you can't just steal things whenever you want to! It's against the law! You can go to jail!" Freddie was trying hard not to yell, because people were beginning to stare, but it was hard not to.

"Why do you care anyway? We're supposed to hate each other."

"If you keep stealing, I'll be forced to tell someone. Give me the horn, Sam." Freddie held out his hand.

"You...Never!" All of a sudden Sam turned and sprinted from the theater out into the city.

_This day gets better and better _Freddie thought. He chased down the streets after the blonde girl, but he didn't have high hopes of catching her.

"Get back here Samantha Puckett!" he screamed.

"Not in a million years, Fredward!" she yelled back. She wove in and out of pedestrians and cut through an alley. Surely he didn't know all of her shortcuts.

All Freddie could do was keep an eye on her hair and pray he wouldn't lose her. _She is NOT headed for that beer factory. Seriously? I didn't even know we had one of those around here! What the heck!_

_I'll be safe here _Sam thought. The square wasn't going to follow her into a beer factory. He'd probably explode if he got within 50 feet of it.

_I bet she thinks I won't come in _thought Freddie determinedly. _But she doesn't know what I can do when I really want to. _He peered in the window; it was very grimy and hard to see through. He thought he could make out the shape of a girl darting behind humongous vats.

Looking around, Freddie noticed an open window on the first floor. He managed to get himself through it after much huffing, puffing, and heaving. _She's dead meat! _he thought triumphantly. But he did have to find her before he could do anything about it.

* * *

"You knew you couldn't hide forever, you criminal!" said Freddie hotly.

"How was I supposed to know that itty bitty Benson would have the chutzpah to chase me around a beer factory?" said Sam, half annoyed and half impressed against her will. She was cornered against a vat of the alcoholic stuff. "Anyway Freddikins. You know you're never gonna get me out of here on your own. What do you say we...make things interesting?"

"More than they already are?" Freddie groaned. "Carly is gonna want to know what happened to us!"

"Would you forget Carly for _once _in your life? Just play a game with me, and I'll 'fess up. Promise."

Freddie made a series of strangled sounding noise before saying, "FINE! I'll play a stupid game. But...I'm not gonna like it. What do we do first?"

Sam smirked evilly. "Well...we grab one of those buckets, fill it up with this good stuff over here," she tapped the vat lovingly, "and settle in for a nice game of 'Never Have I Ever.'"

Again, there was series of strangled noises coming out of Freddie's mouth, followed by much yelling and protesting, and eventual caving due to the fact that he wanted Sam to keep _her _promise. They settled on the floor with their beer buckets.

"I'll go first!" said Sam brightly. Freddie just shot her a dirty look.

Sam continued like she hadn't seem him. "We play until someone can't stay conscious. The last person awake wins! Ok. So...never have I ever...had a _tick bath." _Freddie grimaced and took a swig. "Never have I ever...been to jail." Sam took a hearty chug.

"Never have I ever had a stupid crush on Carly!"

And so it went back and forth between to two, until they were both rather tipsy (Freddie got really giggly and Sam got kinda gruff and loud, more than usual).

"NEVER HAVE I EVER LOVED YOUR MOTHER."

*teehee* "Never have I *hiccup* liked kissing anyone except Sam!"

"NEVER HAVE I- WHAT?" Sam attempted to focus her eyes on the boy in front of her. "YOU LIKED KISSING ME? THAT'S WEIRD! THAT'S SOOOOOOO WEIRD! I LIKED KISSING YOU!"

*snicker* "Why do we...uh... usuamally fight when could be, like, making out Sammy-poo? Heehee!" said Freddie.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A STUPID BOY FREDWARD" yelled Sam. "SEE, YOU SHOULD BE KISSING ME RIGHT NOW!" And with that, she leaned in closer to him, slopping beer around in the process. Freddie giggled excitedly and blushed, but leaned in as well. That was the last thing either of them remembered before passing out- together.

* * *

"Uuuuuuuugh." Sam struggled to sit up. The floor was stone cold and hard, her body ached, her head felt like 18 sledgehammers were going at it, and the sun coming in the windows was much, MUCH too bright. "Hey...Freddie! Freddie!" She shook the boy roughly. He was lying on the floor in an awkward and probably uncomfortable position.

"Uuuuuuuugh." "My thought exactly." "What did we _do _last night?" Freddie asked, panicked.

"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure we only, you know...made out. Nothing...uh..._else._" Sam was turning a shade of pink Freddie had never seen on her. It was kinda cute. _Ugh, just because you played that stupid game last night does not make her your GIRLFRIEND _Freddie thought. He had to clear his mind, but it was pretty hard to do with the way his head felt.

"Do you have any idea what time it is? OHmigosh. My MOM. MY MOM IS GOING TO DISOWN ME." Freddie quickly checked his phone. "Ugh- 52 missed calls! I bet she forgot about the locator chip in my head again...thank God."

Sam was sitting there, uncharacteristically quiet, watching the boy freak out. She was having a hard time getting her act together as well...why was it that the only thing she wanted, besides Aspirin and a large glass of water, was to fall asleep in Freddie's arms again? To just...be with him? WHAT HAD THE FREAKIN' BEER _DONE _TO HER?

"Earth to Sam!" Freddie was waving his hand in her face. "We need. To go home. Now."

"Yeah yeah, don't get your panties in a knot. I can bust us out if we're stuck, which I doubt we are, seeing how awful the security was in the first place. Is this completely abandoned, or what? Why hasn't anyone come in to work yet?"

"I think it's been shut down for about a year. I kinda remember reading something in the newspaper" said Freddie thoughtfully. Suddenly he stared at Sam. "Hey...you've got something in your hair. I think it's a moth."

"A moth? Get it off! Get it off! AAAAAHHHH!" Sam started jumping up and down in a crazy dance, waving her arms around her head.

"Calm down, I'll get it!" Freddie yelled, grabbing one Sam's flailing arms in his hand and using his other hand to gently brush the insect out of her hair. He slowly lowered her arm, but didn't let go.

"Is it gone?" asked Sam in a small voice.

"Gone" said Freddie firmly. Then he realized he was very close to this girl, this girl he'd kissed a number of times the night before. He was staring right into her eyes. "Um...I should probably...let go of you now..." he said distractedly.

Sam, on the other hand, had been thinking how...nice? It was to have him so close. He'd saved her from the icky bug! Why did he want to let go of her? Oh right. Because they hated each other. Except, do people who hate each other always kiss so intensely? "You...you don't...have to let go" said Sam shyly.

"Really?" questioned Freddie. "I don't understand. Don't we despise each other?"

"It's probably because we both have secretly buried our deep feelings for each other underneath layers of hatred and torture" quipped Sam. Then she slapped a hand over her mouth. What the heck? She could never afford to be hung over again if this was the kind of stuff that would come out of her mouth!

Freddie gaped at her. "I think that was probably the wisest thing you've ever said. If, you know, it's true. Which it isn't. Is it?" He said hopelessly.

"Why don't you tell me" said Sam stubbornly.

"Why don't you tell me!" said Freddie.

"Why don't you tell me?"

"Why don't _you _tell _me?"_

"Why don't- hey, how about we settle this with another drinking game?" said Sam, in an attempt to avoid being the one to go first.

"How about NO? How about, you just tell me what your feelings really are, because you practically just did anyway, and if I could remember exactly what was said last night I'd know that you LIKE me."

Sam's mouth opened and closed like a fish, but no sound came out.

"And _how about, _once you've confessed what you feel, " ranted Freddie," I'll say pretty much the same thing, and we'll be all nervous, but suddenly it won't matter anymore, because it'll be like we're the only two people in the world and we'll-mmfffftt."

His speech was cut off due to the fact that Sam had just launched herself at him. What? She couldn't take it anymore! He was standing there being all cute! She hadn't even _needed _to say anything, seeing as he'd said it all for them. Possibly all in one breath. But breathing wasn't exactly at the top of either of their to-do lists at the moment.

* * *

They decided the best thing to do was go back to the Benson's and Shay's apartment building, where they could explain things to a sure-to-be-furious Carly and a possibly-in-cardiac-arrest Mrs. Benson. It wasn't going to be easy explaining the whole adventure, and Freddie was probably not going to be allowed to be around Sam for weeks, but he would inevitably see her at school and for iCarly. He and Sam had talked it all out once they'd gotten their breath back. They figured, if they'd waited years (without knowing it) to be together, they could wait a little longer to truly be together.

"I don't recommend you making a regular habit of it, but I'm sort of glad you stole that horn" said Freddie shyly to Sam. They were walking back slowly, hand in hand.

Sam smirked. "I knew that thing would come in handy _somehow. _And I'm glad you weren't so afraid of a little alcohol that you couldn't run in after me" she said gratefully.

"What can I say? I think I'd follow you anywhere" said Freddie honestly.

The pair walked on, ready for a different life. And some painkiller.

**The End.**


End file.
